I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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