I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
