Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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