Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
