my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so let's talk penis.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
