this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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