Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
True college students do jello shots in the library
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
