Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
