Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
