Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
