Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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