I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i've created a new STD.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
