so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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