i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
