so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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