I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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