One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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