I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
