It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
