I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
