...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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