I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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