I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
