I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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