i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have post one night stand depression
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