i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
