ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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