ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
