there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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