were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize