Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
