I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
