I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
