In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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