I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
