just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
