all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
