Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
