Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
