I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
