so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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