I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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