I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My bed smells like the plague
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