I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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