we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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