At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize