Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
