i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
