She announced her abortion via fbk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
