I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
