so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
