I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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