the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
