Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
