You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
