I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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