??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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