when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
