"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
