Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
