Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
