don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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