nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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