I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
birth control should be required to get into college
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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