I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
