I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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