there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
how drunk are you?
Several
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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