You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
