literally had 100 drinks last night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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