just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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