wat bout pragnant strippers??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
