We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
