Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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