her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize