I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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