God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
