i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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