Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
