Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
