turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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