How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
