I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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