too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
