I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
