I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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