I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
