Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
