Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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