I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
