Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
