Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
