i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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