I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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