Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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