He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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