She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
