roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
