508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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