i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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